Caring, for the unpaid carer, is not a job, a career or a vocation.
It is needs led and emotionally fuelled. It does not cease because someone goes into a home or hospital. If anything it becomes more difficult because a feeling of guilt is added to love, care and support.

Carers do not choose to become carers.
They become carers because of the circumstances in which they find themselves.
This may be looking after a parent, who has developed behaviour or memory problems.
It may mean giving extra time to a child with disabilities, and giving less time than you would wish to other children in the family.
It could be caring for an adult son or daughter when you are approaching retirement yourself.

Carers contend daily with divided loyalties, conflicting needs and the extra strain of helping or taking responsibility for another person, which often prevents them having time to themselves, and can put other relationships under stress.

Carers are now recognised as essential ‘providers’ in their own right, and deserve to be consulted, informed, empowered, supported and listened to.

Carers cannot make decisions for the people for whom they care if they are capable of making their own decisions, but carers are expected to support and help their dependents whatever they decide they want. In fact it is often implied that carers have a ‘duty of care’.

Carers cannot have their wishes and needs met, their desires fulfilled or their opinion respected unless they are able to access an assessment of their own needs, independent from the assessment of their dependent, with the results recorded.

Carers are expected to do what the dependent wants, look after them when they want, take responsibility for their care when the authorities want but are seldom consulted by the organisations planning and implementing services either for themselves or their dependent.

Carers can collapse in a heap and still be made to feel guilty because they feel they cannot continue in an active caring role.

Many people do not really appreciate what carers do, or need or want, or how they want to be treated until they become carers (1 in 3 adults!) and by then they are a carer, and someone else does not appreciate them.

Some universal questions for all carers

How do you complain, or make suggestions, about services without affecting, or making life difficult for your relation or friend?

How can you have your say, or represent the needs of the person you care about without being labelled a trouble causer?

How can Carers break the chain of non-recognition, non-appreciation, not being respected, not being really listened to and not getting the support and assistance they really need from people who think they know best?

Do statutory / voluntary organisations take carers for granted? Do they understand that carers need time to plan attendance at meetings, and cannot always change arrangements at short notice?

Do statutory / voluntary organisations understand that carers cannot assist health / social services meet their legal obligation to consult with carers without adequate financial recompemse for their alternate care and travel costs?

Do statutory / voluntary organisations consider and consult carers before, during and regularly after planning and arranging services?

When will a range of flexible and imaginative services be available for carers to access and choose?

Will Direct Payments mean that carers will be able to access and choose the service best able to meet their needs?

Some questions asked by carers

How can I relax?
Who can help me?
Where can I get help?
How can I get training
When should I seek help?
What support is available?
Is there a retreat for carers?
Who will advocate for me?
What is meant by restraint?
Where can I get information?
What respite care is available?
How can I care safely at home?
How can I get help in the home?
How can I make my role easier?
How do I get help with transport?
What kind of information is there?
What counselling am I entitled to?
How do I obtain financial support?
How can I take more care of myself?
What transport facilities are available?
What allowances or pensions are there?
Who are my partners in providing care?
How do I provide a restraint free setting?
How can I get in touch with other carers?
How do I access any modern technology?
How do I develop an emergency care plan?
How can I get advice on safety and security?
How can I get help with home maintenance?
How do I decide between money and dignity?
How do I know what financial help is available?
How do I decide between restraints, risks and rights?
How can I prevent the person I care for being abused?
Can I get discounts on any services, supplies or goods?
How do I get help and advice with any difficult legal issues?
How do I recognise that the person I care about is being abused?
What are the rights of a dependent to refuse physical/chemical restraint?
What will happen to my dependent should I have an accident or am taken ill?